We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
