Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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