one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize