she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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