I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
