So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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