Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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