I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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