I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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