My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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