wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize