woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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