Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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