can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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