Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
