I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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