so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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