Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
