Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
