I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
