The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
