I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize