I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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