maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
