I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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