um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
