I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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