Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
