when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
