I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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