youre lurking in front of me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
