I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
