i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
