I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
