I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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