We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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