He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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