I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
