It's Friday. Sex?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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