She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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