is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
