I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
