We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
