dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
