I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do vagina's smell?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize