So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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