She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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