Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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