I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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