no, he came in my armpit
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
