Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize