Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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