I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
