I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
