Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
