The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
