yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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