It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
