You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
