you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
