i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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