You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
