thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
