i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
