my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize