She is in my trunk
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
