Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
