Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
