my mouth tastes like poor choices
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
