Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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