It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why do cheetos always look like penises
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
