I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
