I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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