Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
