My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
