Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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