so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
