we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
