Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
