im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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