Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
