Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
