I think my fart just growled at me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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